Is She Really Your Rival, Or Are You Just Insecure?

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Oh my goodness yall, so this blog is a combination of things…embarrassing, truthful, and enlightening. So, here goes.

In many of my blogs, I share how I grew up. I was very shy and withdrawn. A bit awkward and socially handicapped. I loved spending time with myself rather than engaging in conversations with others, although on the inside I yearned for friendships and interaction. I slowly broke out of that shell as I grew older. Eventually, the military helped shatter most those setbacks. But there were a few culprits that chose to hang around and do some major damage in my life. Their names? Insecurity and self-esteem. But I learned to hide them well. However, our actions always tend to make liars out of the words we speak. Keep marinating on that, you’ll catch it.

I encountered other women who were confident and secure in their own rite. And every time I got around these women I cringed on the outside, rolling my eyes, trying to one up them, or just make them look bad. But on the inside, I struggled immensely. Questioned myself as to why I couldn’t be as bold and confident as they were. Of course, I couldn’t show this inner turmoil. Yet again, our actions always have a tendency of making us into liars. And mine sure did!

There was one woman in particular, who I nearly despised. I couldn’t stand to hear her name let alone be in her presence. She had a bravado type vibe about her. Everything someone did, she could do better. Every accomplishment someone earned, she could top that. Everything was about competition. Everything was about notoriety. And that burned me up! Sounds like I was hating, right? Well I was. Truth be told, that’s all hating is…a big dose of insecurity and self-esteem issues rolled up into negative comments and sideline commentating about someone else’s life.

Time went on and I grew more negative towards her. I learned to put on my “hey girl” face (also known as two-faced) and suck my teeth when she walked away. But this whole entire time, God was trying to show me something, well a few things, about myself. And it took up to THIS point to see what those things were. (and this point, I mean years later).

Sometimes who we think are rivals are just instruments to bring out our truth. The truth was, I was insecure. This woman was pretty, intelligent, and very confident. Whether she wrestled with her own insecurities, I don’t know, pretty sure, but don’t know…but God used her to show me how insecure I was in myself. I considered myself to be pretty and intelligent and had the potential to be confident but I couldn’t see that. From years of being hurt and validating someone else’s lies as truth in my own life, what I saw about myself became distorted. Sure, I fronted well. I knew how to act the part of a confident, independent woman. But I was far from knowing what that entailed for me.

Here’s the thing ladies. Sometimes rivals are necessary. True they can be frustrating and the situation can be uncomfortable, but oftentimes rivals are key instruments for our growth. If we allow, we can use these experiences as refining moments. In Lisa Bevere’s book, “Without Rival” she says “Outward pressure works inward transformation. Rivals reveal the destiny that God has prepared for us.” (Bevere, 2016).

If we want to grow into the women God has created us to be and do “the creative best you can with your own life” (Galatians 6:5, MSG) then we must be willing to become students of life and learn well. Only then will we find fulfillment in our lives. We will be able to gift another woman with being her authentic self through conflict and rivalry. Blessings ladies!

Bevere, Lisa. (2016). Without Rival. Grand Rapids, MI: Revell