Let's Find Some Motivation...

Okay....so when I started this blog, I wanted to make sure that you all got a really good feel of who I was.  Well, you've gotten a good vibe of me spiritually, which is a huge part of who I am! However, as with the title of my blog "Authentically Spoken" I want to bring more of authentic self to the table.  I want talk to you all on a more real, every day, down to earth level.  Now don't get me wrong, I will definitely include blogs on my faith because that's important to me.  I wouldn't be who I am and where I am if it wasn't for the merciful sacrifice of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.....

Okay....so on to the next....let me guess...many of you are probably counting down the days to January 1st.  New Year's resolutions are being dusted off, revamped, recreated, or created.  But why wait until the New Year to make change?  Why not start churning those wheels towards change now?  Just last year, for the whole month of December I literally gorged to my heart's delight! I ate any and everything in sight as much as I wanted, when I wanted.  Thankfully, my church does a 21 day Daniel fast during the month of January every year.  So everything horrible I filled my body with in December was gone, gone, gone in January.  I paid for it big time!  Sooo, I wanted to take a different approach this year.  

I recently completed a 10 day detox...Okay, well maybe not exactly the full 10 days...but I did 4 days.  Hey, it was my 1st time detoxing and I got further than I initially thought.  I plan on detoxing again...this time adding another day or so. You know, work my way up slowly instead of jumping all in head first.  I recommend by the way to start slow if need be...but START! I'll post some information about the detox later...

Here's the deal, first I'm not going to profess to be a fitness guru, a nutritional expert or any of the sort.  But what I would like to do is tell you what works for me and give some information or advice on things I've read.  I was in the military for 14 years and was a fitness buff.  I ate right, worked out 2-3 times a day...and was the healthiest I could have been.  Maybe you can take some of what I do and incorporate it into your own regimen.  Nonetheless, it's going to be up to you.  Whether you adopt something from me or not, what you get out of anything is what you put into it!  

I'll end this for now, but I will definitely be posting more info, updates, and anything else I deem relevant! :)

Oh, before I leave...if this helps any...while on the detox, I lost 7lbs and 3 1/2inches in 4 days...and NO I didn't starve myself.  I actually ate throughout the entire detox.  Again, I'll be posting info about the detox...

I really hope you guys enjoyed my blog.  I want to encourage you to continue in the race set before you.  Some hurdles may be higher than others, and you may not cross it the first time around.  But if you don't give up, you'll eventually cross it!! What an accomplishment!! Be blessed!

This is....

You know how sometimes you encounter something that makes you think "Whoa, what was that about?" Or it pushes you into a mode of reflection?  Know what I'm talking about?  Well, I had one of those experiences yesterday.  Before I continue with that thought, I have to be a bit transparent for a minute.  On the outside, to the naked eye, I've been "fine." But on the inside....the side that only myself and God knows, there has been a storm going on.  A quiet storm, but nonetheless a storm.  The inward conversations I was having caused me to question a lot of things about my faith, people, and even God.  I wavered back and forth between my own thoughts and the truth of God's word.  James 1:6-8 says "But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do." I admit that.  I wavered.  I doubted.  I questioned.  Though I felt guilty about it all, I just couldn't wrap my brain & intellect around some of the things taking place in my life, some people in my life, and just life itself.  I had definitely come to a fork in the road.  And it was reflecting in my actions, attitude and some of the things I said.  

The amazing thing about God is He has a way of grabbing our attention.  A way that is far from our human comprehension.  Because He said in Isaiah 55 that His ways are NOT ours and His thoughts are NOT ours.  Everything about God is far above and beyond our human comprehension and intellect could ever reach.

Yesterday, as I was heading to an event at my church, I got into an accident.  Though I got a bit roughed up, it wasn't as nearly as bad as it probably should & could have been.  But it was enough to give me that wake up call.

And though I know this already, that accident reminded me again that God isn't looking for me to enter into a relationship with Him on an intellectual level.  There will be experiences, situations, and questions that I will NEVER receive answers to.  What God wants is my total and complete devotion to Him and His will.  He's looking for me to recognize my imperfections through His perfection.  He's looking for me who will put aside what I conceive with my human minds and walk into destiny by faith.  

My lesson from that accident hasn't fully come to fruition, but what I have gathered from it is that God knows all.  Things we keep hidden, He sees.  The inward conversations we have, He hears.  He is above all!  He alone is Supreme!  When we think we have our lives in our own hands under our own control, He steps in and lets us know that we are NOT our own and we DON'T really have all control.  

So as I continue my journey in learning who God is, I encourage you all to do the same.  Let down your guard and intellect...you'll only be fighting a losing battle if you don't.  God is on your side.  Though some situations you encounter may shake or question your faith...just know that though questioning and the shaking of our faith normal part of our human nature...we shouldn't stay there.  Hebrews 11:6 says that "without faith it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God.  Because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. (emphasis mine).  

#MommyTroubles

A thought came to me as I was cleaning up my daughter's smelly bottom.  "Stay sexy and classy for your husband."  A bit of back story before I continue on.  I was in the military for 14 years.  After medically retiring, I decided to stay at home and raise my baby, who I was then pregnant with at the time.  I'm still new to the "stay at home mom" scene.  However, while in the military and now out, I've come across many women who too stay at home with the kids.  I'm not oblivious to the demands of staying at home with active little ones.  However, I have noticed a trend (that I've admittedly fallen into)...the sweat pant, lounge clothes, head scarf, sloppy ponytail trend. 

 I mean I'll be the first to admit sometimes when he comes home from work, I'll be in a pair of sweats, hair tied up in a silk cloth with dozens of food stains and marks on my clothes from an eventful day of chasing an overly energetic 2 year old.  But on the other hand, I love, LOVE to look good for my husband!  To see him look at me with adoration and satisfaction is something I really get a kick out of.  Our lives are hectic just like the next couple.  A life which includes jobs, businesses, church, two teenagers, a toddler, and much more...however, I feel it's important for us wives to stay on top of our appearance.  Am I saying you have to be dolled up and in 6-inch stilettos everyday?  Absolutely not...only Beyonce' and Kim Kardashian can probably pull that one off.  But the reality is, we don't have to allow ourselves to go by the wayside because the ring is on the finger, "well, I'm married to him now so whew (relieved sigh), I'm done with looking cute!". A little mascara and some lip gloss goes a long way.  Put a comb or brush to your hair instead of a sloppy ponytail or head scarf.  Instead of the sweats...slip on a skirt, pair of pants, or at least something besides a duster or moo moo every day. 

Go on dates.  Woo him.  Dress up when you can.  I'm a Christian woman who loves God.  I am so thankful for Him delivering me from my past and warped ways of thinking.  Now that He has blessed me with my beautiful husband, I strive to show my appreciation in making sure my husband is glad to be my husband. Taking care of the home and kids are only a part of the equation.  Taking care of myself and my appearance is another part.  I believe we can be a Christian, classy and sexy for our husbands and his eyes only!! 

With that being said, I'm not trying to start an ego-stuck-on-your-appearance revolution.  I'm not saying that appearance is the overall reason as to why our husbands married us.  But that does play an important role.  We can't allow the fact of marriage to stop us from keeping the fire lit.  This goes both ways by the way.  Men need to up their parts in a marriage as well.  But since I'm a married woman, I figured I'd stay in this arena.  

I pray for all marriages...for much success, fun, and blessing.  I pray that the fire will always remain lit and strong.  I pray that God stays the nucleus of that marriage!  If He's not, put Him there!!

Be blessed! =)

Decisions, Decisions...

Everything we do is literally based on a decision.  What am I going to eat for breakfast? What should I wear out today? How should I fix my hair? And the list of questions can go on and on.  But the result to all of our questions lie in the response.  How we answer or even approach the answer to those questions.  The saying "you can either look at the glass half full or half empty" has definitely become cliche'.  Yet it still holds volumes of truth.  Everything in life is steered off of the basis of our decisions.  The vehicle won't turn until we decide which way its to go.  We won't eat until we decide what we're going to eat and so on and so forth.  

In my spiritual walk, there's been some crossroads, many crossroads actually that I've come to.  And to be quite honest, because of my indecisiveness, I found myself sinking.  The peace I had, began to smother under the caving weight of my inability to solidify my decision.  See, when we welcome indecisiveness into our space, we're also allowing its companions of doubt, fear, and worry to come along with it, "Come right on in and have a seat! Fear you can sit right here next to my next step of opportunity.  Doubt, uh, how about right here in the middle of my thoughts.  And worry, just get comfortable in my overall heath."  You see, there are access points to every aspect of our lives physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  And typically those access points are activated on the foundations of our decisions. 

 James 1:6-8 speaks about such a person who allows doubt to settle in and get comfortable in the spaces of the mind.  When we become clouded with other things, our minds can't reach that point of solemn and peace.  Instead, we feel like we're being torn up into the funnel of a tornado or as the scripture says "like a wave blown and tossed by the sea." And I'm here to tell you, that it's not a good feeling.  To wake up everyday with the same feeling.  To muster up the fuel from a tank that's already severely depleted of its resources....But again, it all goes back to a conscious decision.

When we choose to accept Christ into our lives, we make the decision to live for Him.  But sometimes I don't think we fully grasp the understanding that comes with that decision.  In the beginning, we're hungry and yearning for more of God.  "Yes God, I hear You Lord."  "To God be the glory." "Have Your way in me. Show me myself."  Screech!!!!! Whoa, wait a minute! What's really going on here??? Why am I feeling like this? Why is this coming up? What should I do? I don't know what to do or which way to turn?  I thought once I accepted God that my life would change!  It happens to many of us who walk blindly by the flesh and not by the eyes of faith.  We lose momentum because we thought what we had at first was good and enough.  But it's not.  And yes, when we accept God, our lives DO change...but of course with change comes discomfort and resistance.  

Because when we truly enter into a relationship with God, though things seem good at first, His purpose is not to keep us where we are.  He sees our end from the beginning.  He knows His work is cut out for Him already...but it's in getting us on board is the issue.  Every day God takes us higher in Him brings a new level of humility in us.  His intent is not to kill us, take us out, or humiliate us...But to get us to make that solidified, unflinching decision that we will serve Him, place Him 1st, and carry out His will for our lives, regardless of the cost and level of comfortability.

To live for and serve God is challenging.  There are many obstacles to overcome including the ones we harbor in ourselves.  But His word doesn't lie.  He said He would never leave us nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6).  He is faithful above anything we could possibly place our trust in here on Earth!  All it takes is a deliberate decision to allow God to be who He is in our lives...

Treasure Silence

**The picture above doesn't relate to my dogwood tree story, however, it presents a powerful visual of silence.  No matter what that "place" is for you, it is important to include silence in your journey.  

Growing up was rough for me.  I came from a very dysfunctional upbringing.  There was always chaos and noise going on.  Many times, I relished the thoughts of getting away...establishing a place of solitude in the midst of the hurricane of a life I lived. 

 Next to my house was a tree...a dogwood tree. Every year, it yielded some of the most beautiful dewy, white flowers.  The scent was attractive, lingering in the air.  Most dogwood trees don't grow very big unless they are older.  This one stood beside my house since the day it was built in the mid 1950's, so it was pretty sturdy and large.  Because I was a tomboy, I climbed anything...from fences to the rooftop of my house.  This tree I had learned to climb when I was about 7 years old.  And boy was it fun! Climbing and jumping off...it was my makeshift jungle gym.  Well this time, it served a different purpose...it was the place where I had come to treasure silence.

As I mentioned earlier, my life was full of hurtful chaos.  To attempt to get away from it all, almost everyday after completing my homework, I'd run out and climb this tree and sit for hours.  I'd go almost to the very top.  My favorite branch had become smooth from my multiple visits.  From the bottom it was hard to see up, either from the leaves or the flowers, so my spot was secure.  Luckily enough, the bees never bothered me.  I guess after a while, they saw me as one of them =)

From my place of peace and quiet, I'd let my imagination run wild and free...daydreaming of my new life.  How I'd live.  What would I be like.  Where I would live.  And most importantly how happy and at peace I'd be.  Well, all of that took time...and a lot of hurtful experiences.  I look back on that little girl in the tree and I'm amazed at her determination to live...at her determination to find and treasure silence in the midst of her storm.

Many times as adults, we fill our cups to the brim, sometimes overflowing, with things.  We lose track of ourselves, our sanity, and our peace.  Then when we've run out of gas, we don't have anything reserved to continue on.  We desperately try to find the source of origination of where we went wrong...but all to no avail.  In the book of Job, when his life had been hit with detrimental blows, Job posed a statement to God, saying, "Teach me and I will keep quiet.  Show me what I have done wrong." (Job 6:26, NLT).  You see in times when we've lost our peace and can't search for that silence anymore, we need to get before God and pose the same statement to Him as Job did.  Isaiah 26:3 (NIV) says "You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in you."  Even in the most horrible of storms, chaos, and situations, we can remain in peace and attain that beautiful silence if we learn to cling to God's promises.  In Matthew 11:28, Jesus makes an invitation for all who are weary and burdened to come to Him and He will give us rest.  You see, (and maybe this is just for me) but when things start getting out of hand, and we become distressed, stressed, frustrated and worried...it's usually a sign that we've gotten out of God's will and stepped into our own.  We've gotten off of the path of peace and onto the path of noise and confusion.  

God wants so much for us to trust in Him wholly.  He wants to be included in everything about our lives.  And sometimes, well many times, it's absolutely necessary to step away from the noise of life and find that place of solitude and seek the Lord while He may be found and call on Him while He's near (Isaiah 55:6, NIV).  

We can have the life God wants us to have.  We just have to take the necessary steps to ensure He's included in every move we make...and sometimes seeking silence is where we'll find Him.  My prayer is for you to be blessed even as your souls are blessed.  I pray that you will take the initiative and find that silent place and treasure it.  In that place, call on our Father and allow His peace to saturate your hearts.  I am moved to tears at this very moment as I write...I pray this blog is as much of a blessing to you as it is to me.  God bless you!

What Does Your Authenticity Look Like?

When the name of my blog came about, I knew hands down that it was God-inspired.  For one, I was far from thinking about starting another blog.  The first one was a mess and I didn't have the energy nor time to put into another one.  Second, I was deeply engaged in one of my favorite pastimes, Pinterest...just effortlessly pinning away and creating new boards (ahh how I love Pinterest).  The name "Authentically Spoken" came as a whisper.  But this whisper was one I immediately recognized as not being my own voice or thoughts.  Before the thoughts swirl in your head about this, please trust the journey; I'm actually going somewhere with this =)

You see, when God gave me that title for my blog, though I instantly reacted and jumped on the computer, my inner conversation began (you know, the one that usually causes us to stop in our tracks and eventually retreat)  "How can I measure up to this name? I am FAR from authentic!"  Sure, I've used the phrases "I'm just keeping it real" or "I'm keeping it 100" or "I'm a realist!" many, many times before. I shake my head now, because I couldn't have been SO FAR from the truth.  As a matter of fact, I fooled myself for many years with those phrases.  In those phrases, I was able to portray that I was 100% authentic...that what people saw is what they were going to get.  I spoke what was on my mind, acted out how I felt, all in the name of being real.

But here was and is the reality of my authenticity.  I have come to recognize and acknowledge that I'm broken.  I hid behind opaque walls for so long, eventually forgetting my own image. I carry many scars of self inflicted abuse, abuse by others, neglect, resentment, bitterness, and many other things.  I didn't like who I was so I put on the clothing of a persona that was more of a "comfortable fit" for me.  And that's what so many of us do.  We toss around words and phrases, hide behind fortresses, live pretentiously, but yet fail to really understand the true meaning behind anything.

One of the most powerful people in the bible in view of authenticity was King David.  Many know the story and struggles of David.  What's so beautiful is the fact that God allowed David's transparency to be conveyed through scripture.  Psalm 51 is one such display.  In Psalm 51:3-5, he says, "I admit that I am rebellious.  My sin is always in front of me. I have sinned against you, especially you.  I have done what you consider evil.  So you hand down justice when you speak, and you are blameless when you judge.  Indeed, I was born guilty.  I was a sinner when my mother conceived me."  

So for me, authenticity is no longer about me "keeping real, being real, being 100!" Rather, it's me acknowledging that I'm a sinner who has been delivered by the saving grace and unyielding love of God.  Authenticity is me measuring myself against the word of God and what He says about my life and who I am in Him.

I still have my struggles as we all do.  But my hope is that for you and I to discover that our real selves lie in the knowledge and power of Christ.  Who we are is no longer who we used to be (2 Corinthians 5:17).  So start today and make the choice to stand up and stand out of the crowd of so called realists, and be the authentic beautiful person GOD intended for you to be.

Be blessed!

Pursue, Overtake & Recover All!

Back in 2002 while stationed in Germany, I attended a women's conference.  The theme was "Pursue, Overtake & Recover All."  At that time, I was fairly new in my relationship with Christ, but was very excited to attend something like this.  

I was truly blessed by the overall experience of the conference.  I saw women of all races and backgrounds come together under one roof and lift up God.  Healing, deliverance, and miracles took place.  I was truly blessed.  However, the one thing that I took out of that entire experience and remains with me today is the scripture from which the conference title came from, 1 Samuel 30:8 (NKJV) "So David inquired of the Lord, saying, “Shall I pursue this troop? Shall I overtake them?” And He answered him, “Pursue, for you shall surely overtake them and without fail recover all.”  

To give a bit of back story...David and his army were heading into battle against the Amalekites.  But when they arrived at their destination, they saw the place ransacked and everyone gone.  All the families had been captured and taken by the Amalekites.  Of course the men were greatly distressed because their families had been taken captive.  So the next best thing was to come up against the one who orchestrated the whole thing, David.  In seeing this, he became greatly distressed.

Now I won't give the entire story...I encourage you to read it for yourselves, it's beautiful and speak volumes.  But two things stood out to me.  Though threatened on every level, David encouraged himself in the Lord (1Samuel 30:6).  He recognized the power and ability in God to not only save him, but to get back what the enemy had taken away.  After David sought God, God's response was David was to pursue, overtake, and without fail recover all.

You see, I don't by far to profess to be a bible scholar, preacher, or teacher of the bible.  However, I do know what God has done for me...and my testimony stands strong in the midst of the scriptures I share with you.  Many times, Satan has tried to destroy me.  And it was in those despairing times that I had a choice.  To fall victim to his plight or to muster up enough strength from somewhere and seek God.  See, God doesn't expect us to have it all together. He knows we're going to stumble in life...but where He receives the glory and steps in is when He sees our fight to stay afloat.  God said in Hebrews 13:5 that He would never leave us nor forsake us.  God's word is bond.  It does not and cannot return to Him void (Isaiah 55:11).

So in times of distress and despair, don't allow those elements to cave in on you.  Find the strength from somewhere to seek God.  Learn to encourage yourself in the Lord.  Yes, it sounds easier said than done...but I am here as a living witness that even up to this very day (4 September 2014) I CONSTANTLY encourage myself in God and seek Him for my needs.  Life will keep happening.  Satan will keep pushing...and the flesh will always remain weak.  It is in the hidden places of God that we receive renewed strength, encouragement, boldness and courage to continue forward.

I pray that God will bless you all richly today.  I pray that you will always hold on to the words of God and allow them to saturate your whole-being, giving you the fuel to the vehicle to live out loud for Christ.

Be blessed :)  

Don't Quit! Don't Let it be in You!

It's no secret that life is tough.  Sometimes so tough we just want to throw in the towel.  In those times of despair, we really don't want to hear an "encouraging word."  We just want a solution to get us out of whatever it is.  But I'm here to tell you...in all truth and transparency...quitting should NOT be an option!  Don't let it be!  I truly know what it feels like to be in the pits.  To try everything you know to do and still nothing moves or changes for you.  I know that feeling of quitting that creeps up and all of a sudden becomes overwhelmingly powerful.  Just today was one of my "not so good days" and I watched a T.D. Jakes sermon titled "Defying the Urge to Quit."  In it, he repeated over and over the words, "I DON'T QUIT."  The more I heard those words and began repeating them, the more the I felt empowered by God to believe those words.  

We're going to have our ups and downs.  Good and bad, but please don't allow quitting to be in that equation.  If you have to write it down so you can see it (Habbakuk 2:3) or say it over and over until it becomes a part of your character...do it!  Do whatever it takes to rid that spirit of quitting...God didn't give us a spirit of fear 2 Timothy 1:7 (quitting is a part of that fear spirit).  

Sometimes we have to encourage ourselves as David did in 1 Samuel 30:6.  

My words of encouragement to you are this...I don't know where you are in life, but never (and yes I'm saying never) allow quitting to be an option.  Take the feelings of hurt, disappointment, discouragement or whatever negative feelings you have and use them to fuel your drive.  Continue on like the video displays and what you're not able to do, God will do the rest! It's not fluff, it's the truth! Be blessed!

**I posted the sermons from T.D. Jakes on my Facebook page: www.facebook.com/authenticallyspoken.  Please check them out!

The Power of Silence

Proverbs 17:28 (NLT) Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.

The phrase in the picture can seem very cliche'.  However, it speaks volumes of truth.  I will be the first to admit that sometimes I would rather speak than listen, especially if I feel like I'm right.  Pride and justification seems to give us the reason to act out in the ways we do.  

In a conversation I recently had with someone, I had an epiphany. Not one that I never knew, but one that sometimes has to package itself differently in order for us to "get it!" Now I knew this person was ready to argue when the call first took place.  And to some degree I was ready too.  However (and I admit), at the urging of my husband, I silenced myself (oh the struggle!).  The person on the line proceeded to state their side and do so in a heated manner.  Their argument was met with silence and calm "okays" here and there.  Unexpectedly to me, the conversation ended quickly with what I felt to be great disappointment on the other party's end.  But it was at that moment that the light went off...the "aha" moment had presented itself.  

Sometimes when we think or feel we are so right in our actions to speak rather than listen, we place ourselves on the same level as what the bible calls "fools."  There's a host of wisdom and volumes of lessons that's learned when we intentionally silence ourselves.  Placing ourselves in the position to be humble allows our stance to carry the conversation.  Though to some it is, I'm learning that it's truly not that serious to engage in unnecessary talk, especially if it does no edification anywhere.  

The bible speaks greatly on the importance of bridling our tongues, watching what we say, and being slow to speak (James 1:19).  Our glory doesn't come from attempting to make a point or even making others look bad, but rather knowing when to stand up and when to stand down.  Sure there will be times when we have to speak up.  But the beautiful thing about all of this, is when we ask God to guide and carry our conversations, He will do just that!  

A scripture we recite in church and one I regularly say to myself is Psalm 19:14 says "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Your sight...oh Lord, my Strength and my Redeemer."  

Sparing our character is far more important than getting a few seconds of glory from vain conversation.  

The Masquerade...

 

They are colorful, beautiful, and in some cases very attractive.  They give the persona of a new life all on its own.  Behind the mask, we can be whoever we want to be.  We can even make it up as we go along....We can weave it up, glam it up, make it up, clothe & shoe it up...Because behind this mask is someone we wish to permanently quiet.  Behind the walls of the mask, we tuck away dark secrets, bones and skeletons.  We want to get as far away from that person as possible.  "I'm ugly.  I'm not smart.  I'm not confident.  I don't know how I should be treated and how to treat others.  I only exist to be used"  How can I ever be accepted for the real I?" That's the inward conversation we have that convinces us to stay hidden.  So let the masquerade go on, shall we.

 

But after a while, we get tired of holding that mask up.  We start to run out of personalities to portray.  We've already run our character in the ground by piling up facades and falsities.  We're relentless, so with the mask half off, we start to desperately dig deeper.  Putting ourselves out on the limb just to be blown away by whatever we wish to carry us off. 

 

The mask is starting to look tattered.  It's starting to unveil some of what we've tried so hard to hide.  Our insecurities start to seep through like a foul odor in a landfill.  "Where's the glue?" "Give me some tape!! I CANNOT expose this! Nobody will ever accept me for who I am!"  Again, the inward conversation is at work.  We hopelessly turn to superficial things, trying to repair the mask. 

 

The sad thing is so many of us live this type of life everyday.  It becomes second nature to live a pretend life...The misconception is that we're presenting to others our lies.  We, unbeknownst to them, cause them to enable our behavior.  They participate in this fable...not even realizing they are hurting us more than helping us.

 

Ladies...and men...it's time to search for our truth.  It's time to stop the masquerading and charades and quiet the inward voice.  When we become free from the pain or whatever it is that caused us to go into hiding...not only do weights fall off, but we move into position to enlighten others like us.  The essence of who we are can be beautiful if we allow it...even it if does carry some scars.   

 

 

 

To Be or Not to Be...Real?

 

 

Last night as I was scrolled through Facebook, I came across a profile of someone I once befriended.  She would never admit it, but I could tell she was starved for attention and validation.  Posting pics of herself half nude and making obscene comments...it was all a part of her formula to reel in the comments and like buttons.  The saddest part of it all, she has kids.  According to some of the statuses, her kids took the pictures...Now before you go off the deep end, I'm not passing judgment on this woman.  My observations of her actions actually lead me to tap into a memory of my own. 

For many years, I struggled with who I was.  I strongly disliked almost everything about me, my background, my family, etc.  I used to retreat to somewhere quiet and I'd daydream and imagine for hours.  What would it be like to be someone else?  That was my main thought but of course after some time I'd have to come back down to reality. 

As I got older, I came to learn the power of "reinvention."  I saw my peers take on this whole different persona.  But it wasn't for entertainment...it was to fit in, be accepted, gain attention or whatever the deficit served up at the time.  The more outgoing this new personality was, the more people dove deeper into it.  When I saw it worked for them, soon after I figured, "hey, then it has to work for me!"  And I jumped all in.

At first, my "alter egos" worked well for me.  They got maximum attention from men and I gained popularity.  All of which I didn't have as a child growing up.  This was the time of my life...never having to allow people access my past and the real me.  For years I lived this fake life.  I found too, the more belligerent I became, the more outspoken, outrageous, wild, and derailed...the more attention I drew.  This is what I thrived off of.  Even after giving birth to my oldest daughter in 2000, I didn't slow down.  I was obsessed and addicted to wanting and needing to be somebody other than me.  I worked hard at it and got better.  This façade lasted almost my entire adult life.  I began to distort fake from reality. 

My "imaginary" world started crumbling down a few years ago.  An incident that sent my life spiraling out of control caught my attention.  I was hooked like a fish...but instead of wiggling off the hook, I allowed it to sink deeper in.  I think by this point, I had gotten tired of playing and trying to keep up with it all. 

It wasn't until I met my (now) husband and rededicated my life to Christ, that I received full deliverance and healing.  I hid behind masks because I didn't know nor like who I was.  I felt if I could become someone I wasn't, that maybe I'd be accepted.  Which I was.  But when I looked back at the ones who accepted me, they were just like me...in hiding, tore up and in denial!

So mask free, drama free, and actor free...I can say with confidence that I appreciate who I am.   Once I allowed God to shine His light throughout my life, I realized I was  denying who I was meant to be and comparing myself to and trying to live according to standards of this world.  How I should act, think, look, be, etc...it all came from the world's view and not God's.  Though sometimes these old ways revisit me,  I've come to know who Lucrecia is.  And I appreciate her.  It's okay to be confident and sure of who you are, but if you have to compromise your dignity, character, value and worth doing so...then maybe you don't quite know after all.

 

***A note to those who may read this, have children and say "Whatever, I'm gonna do me regardless...I'm grown!"  Please be advised, children will follow almost exactly in your footsteps.  What you portray in front of them, it is almost surely to repeat itself in their own lives.  Don't risk the outcome of their future because you just "trying to do you!"

Romans 12:2 (NLT) Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Galatians 6:4 (NLT) "Each of you must examine your own actions.  Then you can be proud of your own accomplishments without comparing yourselves to others."

2 Corinthians 10:12 (NLT) Oh, don't worry; we wouldn't dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are!  But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement.  How ignorant!"

Looking Back

I've always heard and I'm sure you have to, that we shouldn't look back on our past but keep moving forward towards the future.  Well, I got that, but this morning I did some reflecting.  From time to time, I'll revisit my past...just to see how far I've come.  When I look back on my past, I gain a new sense of gratitude.  I look back at the person I once was...one that was filled with so many toxins, hurt, and garbage.  Damaged emotionally, mentally, and even physically, that person seemed to be beyond repair.  It's amazing even how I overcame so much.

It's in appreciating my past that I am able to sit here today and profess to be a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).  I learned that it was in the beauty of my past that assisted in God's formation of who I am now.  The only thing I had to do was accept that and allow Him to do the work. 

So even while I sit in the present now, making moves towards the future, I don't ever want to (and neither should you) reject or deny my past...where I was and came from.  My past serves as a testament of God's hand and His amazing ability to renew and restore all things new! (Revelation 21:5).

Be blessed today!

Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself...

Hello all and welcome to my blog "Authentically Spoken."  I am pleased to finally have started up something I feel will not only benefit myself, but readers alike. 

In this blog, I will be true and genuine to every word I speak...hence my blog title.  Throughout my life, I lived many facades and portrayed many people other than myself.  It was through hurts, ups, downs, and hard realizations that being authentic, first to myself, was the ONLY way I could began to pave a new road to recovery. 

I allowed myself to become vulnerable to the healing presence of my Father, Jesus Christ, and allowed Him to penetrate His revealing light on EVERY aspect of my life.  Though I still struggle in many areas, and am a far cry from perfect, I feel that this appointed time has presented itself so God can be glorified and magnified. 

Now, I will say this.  Not every post will be filled with scriptures.  But I will also make mention that my faith is the catalyst to this blog.  It is the conduit to my calling and I will not back down nor be afraid of confessing, professing and plain ole talking about my Heavenly Father.  It is to Him that I owe ALL the glory and praise. 

This blog is not intended to criticize, judge, or belittle anyone.  However, I will say the truth is the truth.  I will speak on practical, personal, insightful issues.  I welcome dialogue and I implore you to please share anything you may find interesting. 

A few of things I will NOT tolerate on my blog is abusive, negative, derogatory language.  I want the atmosphere to be conducive to healing, encouragement, inspiration, motivation, and all things positive.  I hope we can all grow together in this journey. 

A difficult, but true lesson I've learned from a dear mentor of mine is to learn to love the process.  When we stop fighting and allow God to do the work, we can maneuver easier through the trials of life.

I hope you are all blessed...and make the most of every opportunity and make it count!

Lucrecia...