How She Sees Herself Matters

Growing up, I faced many challenges.  First, I grew up in very poor conditions in Florida.   My family was dysfunctional on almost every level. I suffered verbal, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse from family members and struggled greatly in school.  I grew up nurturing the stigmas that had been attached to me...that I was stupid, ugly, not good enough, would never amount to anything, etc.  Because of those negative seeds that took root in my soul, I began acting the parts. I did my best to fit in but in ways that would later hurt me and cause years of battles and struggles.

For years, kids have struggled to fit in.  That's nothing new.  But what I see going on today places an insurmountable amount of stress and pressure on teenagers, especially teenage girls. 

Society now has deemed that brains and beauty don't mix.  Rather, the way she looks, how well endowed she is, her clothes, personality, etc...those things matter.  And in many cases, girls dumb themselves down so they can be seen as more appealing and attractive.  They lower their own standards to suit their yearning to fit in.  Statistics show that girls between the ages of 10-14 begin to show signs of low self esteem.  In their minds, they equate being pretty with how big breasts, behind, and hips are, how one dresses, how long or pretty one's hair is, how facial features look...and the list goes on. 

I see it all the time.  Girls taking hundreds of "selfies" and posting them to social media sites. Desperately seeking validation through others comments and likes, totally disregarding the fact of how (excuse me) ridiculous they look.  

The majority of time, the need to be accepted becomes so overwhelming until girls will do whatever it takes to feed that growing monster.  Giving herself up, using and abusing herself...all for the need of justifying her actions and growing desire for attention.  

The biggest mistake we make as parents is overlooking, ignoring or blowing off those signs.  We obliviously keep ourselves in denial because we feel our kids will never step out of line in that manner.  Well, that's where we're wrong.

Parents, please hear me.  Most of you probably know this, but I'm saying it anyway.  Learn and know your teenage girls.  In most cases, a teenage girl won't talk to her mother about issues she's facing.  More than likely, she'll try to cover them up.  But with diligence and good observation, tell-tell signs still have a way of being discovered.  Watch for those signs. Be nosy.  If you bought your teenager a phone or any technology source, you have ALL rights to it until they move out of your house (and in some cases you still have the rights).  Check social media sites, ask questions. 

Now I know what you might think..."Well does it take all of that?" "Is it that serious?" "They're teenagers! They need freedom and space to grow and become who they're going to be!"  Got all of that, but what do you say when you find out your teenager is having sex just to keep her boyfriend?  Or she's developed some bad habits just to fit in and be accepted?  Would you still feel the same?

I'm not suggesting we smother and shelter our children.  We can't protect them from everything.  Life is inevitable and things are going to happen. However, we are our kids first teachers.  We are their first role model, first counselor, first date, first friend.  If we allow our children to be taught by the streets, the streets is what they will turn to.  And we need to watch our own actions.  Children watch us when we think they're not paying attention.  In those moments are the greatest lessons taught.

Our children need us...especially our teenage girls.  Understand, learn, and educate yourself on what's out there and be proactive.  Don't wait for something to happen and then react.

Does your daughter mean that much to you?  She should...mine does! 

Stepping Out of Normal...

I grew up terribly shy.  I tried to the best of my ability to stay “normal.”  I did everything to appear normal, especially to my family.  But in my seemingly failing efforts, I knew deep down inside that I was different.  Externally, everything around me screamed normal, below average even.  Statistical data had already painted my life out for me.  Because I was an African American girl raised by a single mother in a dysfunctional home in a poverty-stricken part of Florida, with siblings that were technically my “half” siblings…I was to drop out of high school, have a child not long after dropping out, working at a low end job, having no goals or aspirations for myself, and living below societal standards.  But something in me wouldn’t allow that to happen.  Even through witnessing and experiencing things no child should ever have to, I felt something deep inside me, telling me that I was not normal. That there was more to life than where I was. 

Against the odds, I graduated high school (a few points shy of graduating with honors, darn algebra), enlisted into the U.S. Army, where I had the honor of serving my country for 14 years with multiple deployments.  I was awarded several awards, coins, and medals for my service.  I became a homeowner, owned my own vehicle, got married, and had a beautiful daughter.  I defied the odds.  But somehow I still felt I had conformed to something.  I still felt…normal.  Please continue to follow me here…I promise there’s a point to all of this. 

Having accomplished all of what I did, there was still a deficit.  On the other side of my accolades were turmoil, depression, stress, recklessness, and self abuse.  I played Russian Roulette with my life.  I fought aimlessly to be seen, to be noticed, and to be loved. It wasn’t until one unforeseen event after another took place, including a divorce from my daughter’s father that I realized something was wrong and if I didn’t get a grip, I would lose. 

In desperation, I came to Christ.  I ran from Him for so long and I wasn’t sure He even wanted me anymore.  But boy was I mistaken.  He wanted me, ALL of me.  The good.  Bad.  Ugly. Tore up. Me.   In seeking more of God in my life, I learned that His children AREN’T normal.  We are His “special” children, peculiar some translations describes it.  (1 Peter 2:9).  Even in my times of living life without God, I always felt His presence.  I couldn’t articulate it but I always sensed that something was different about my life.  And there was.  He was calling me.

Romans 12:2 (NLT) Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think…

Some of you reading this may have had the same feelings throughout your life.  As Christians, we live in this world but should not be “of” it.  We are called to live differently.  We aren’t to conform to the normal standards of the world.  Okay hear me out, rules and laws are just that.  We must abide by those.  And we aren’t to treat being a Christian with spooky behaviors.  What I’m saying is, instead of trying to fit in with the world, we are called to step out, up, and represent Christ.  Our lives are to be a representation of the God we serve.  Stepping out of normal requires confidence, strength, and wisdom…all of which comes from our Father alone.  Not our own philosophies and vain attempts. 

What is it that holds you back from stepping out of normal?

When God Speaks, Listen!

"It's in God's word where we learn the authenticity of His voice."---Lucrecia Slater  

Good morning all. God is so amazing. He truly makes me emotional. I woke up this morning anxious and worried, just feeling some kind of way. I entered into my devotional the same way. I was just kind of sitting there when God lead me to Isaiah...at first I thought to a certain chapter, but I ended up at Isaiah 41:10 (NLT) "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Then I was lead to Psalm 130:5 "I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on Him. I have put my hope in His word." 

God loves us immensely. We can't and never will fathom the depth of that love. He is with us in this process, whatever process you are going through.  He is with us in every step. He will strengthen us and guide us, holding us up with His victorious right hand. In return, we are to count on Him and Him alone. We are to place our hope in His word because He's a man that He cannot lie and whose word does NOT return to Him void.

God speaks to us through various forms.  The most common is through His word.  It's in our devotional time where we take the time to learn His voice.  We, on many occasions, look for God to speak to us in some supernatural, dramatic way...parting the clouds, lightening bolts and thunder.  But in us looking for that, we miss His voice...His still, calm voice (1 Kings 19:11-13). I pray this blesses someone as it did me.

What ways has God spoken to you?  Has He lead you to scriptures that instantly soothed your spirit? 

Life + Billboard=Representation

Here's the thing...what we display to those around us is what we essentially say about ourselves and represent. "Your reputation proceeds you" has come to be one of my favorite quotes (quoted by my husband) because it's loaded with volumes of truth.  As Christians, it's easy to set up an actor's stage before others.  Those of you reading can agree that we see it all of the time, even participated in it at one point. When we get around a certain group (namely church family) we stuff ourselves into our "holy roller" suits and wear it well.  But the thing is, is that we have it misconstrued if we think we can fool people into thinking we represent something and we really don't. As a speaker said yesterday in   church, "we've perfected doing church but failed at representing church."  Because real church happens outside of the walls of the church building...at home, on the job, at the gas station, in school...I think you're getting my point.

Matthew 7:21-23 Not everyone who calls out to me, 'Lord, Lord!' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter.

We are what many people see outside of the walls of the organization of the church.  Some may never step within those walls...and what they see in our lives is what they will get. So many of us perfect lip service but fail miserably at living those words out.  Yes, we all fail because we're all naturally sinners...believers and nonbelievers alike.  However, what separates us, or what should separate us from nonbelievers is our determined effort to live, breathe, and have our being in Jesus Christ (Acts 17:28).

Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

Our lives are that billboard (representation).  What we do and how we do it displays the internal truth of our life.  The truth is, if the only reason we become Christians is to avoid hell...then...get ready for this...we might as well stop now, because we're only wasting our time.  I'm not bashing no one because I'm in the pool of the most jacked up.  However, I've committed my life, flaws, and all that I am to the Living God.  Though I may stumble, I choose to get up and continue living according to God's word.  Because again, my life is a billboard.

Our children.  Schoolmates.  Family.  Acquaintances.  Coworkers.  Strangers. Are all exposed to the unspoken message of what we represent.  Yes we are free in Christ, but we shouldn't allow our freedom to cause another person to stumble.  Let's make up in our minds that we will represent Christ to those around us as best as we can!  Be blessed!

Romans 14:13  So let's stop condemning each other.  Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.

Better!

Have you ever wondered what good could possibly come out of some of the things you go through?  I have...many, many times.  At one point, I was convinced that how complex my life was, is how it was supposed to be.  But the more I prayed, pondered, and studied God's word, the more I begin to see my life through the lenses of the word.  I began to see that my experiences aren't just for me...but for those I come in contact with.  And I believe the same is true for those reading this.

We won't ever understand to the fullest extent why and how God loves us the way He does.  Instead, we're to trust Him and allow the work He's doing to continue.  Jennie Allen said this, "Fires are lit in our lives through our suffering and they can burn to shine light or cause destruction, we get to decide which purpose they will serve."

All of us have a story to tell.  Somewhere in our lives we've been unfairly hurt, mistreated, abused, and used.  Instead of sulking, pointing fingers, or playing the blame game, trust God to do the work, perfecting our history...which is His Story!  Be blessed! =)

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.  He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others.  When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has give us.  For the ore we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with His comfort through Christ.  Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you.  Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.  We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.

Do you have a story to tell?  Is there someone in your life you feel could benefit and even be blessed by the story of your life?