Show Them Who They Are Through You...

Before I dive in, I want to say two things:  THIS IS LONG…and that I will be speaking on content that is, I guess, not commonly talked about.  But I think that’s where the problem lies.  We don’t talk enough about the right things! I've found that many (not all) people are one of three extremes:  the hard left (too out of touch to talk about real life), the hard right (too busy trying to be like everybody else) or neither (because they’re in denial).  But when someone discusses something of sense and importance, it’s overboard, boring, too much or whatever.  (Shrugs shoulders) Oh well…I’m talking anyway.

So I have two girls.  One well into her teenage years and the other, fresh into toddler-hood.  My baby has pretty much grasped being potty trained (yay, thank God, no more pampers)!! Now, I’m working on teaching her the proper way to wipe.  Bless her heart, she’ll eventually get it…In this process though, I was lead to some thoughts.

Growing up, I was taught very little on the proper way to take care of myself and successfully enter into womanhood.  My mother was more of the threatening type than the helping type.  Just about everything I inquired about warranted a harsh response from her.  Because of her neglect to teach me, I endured very painful, embarrassing incidents throughout life.  Through the years, I learned from other women, research, and experience of how to take care of myself and what it meant to respect myself.

As women raising daughters or being a woman of influence in a girl’s life, it’s vital that we teach them how to successfully transition from girl to woman.  Anyone reading this know, growing up there was that one girl or person we saw in magazines, music videos, or movies that we just “had” to be like.  #Truth, I just KNEW I was Aaliyah!  I knew ALL of her dances moves, songs, her bio, everything!!  We all go through it.  Cool.  A part of growing up.  I get that.  The problem develops when there are no talks about being true to who we are, value, worth, boundaries, and standards.  The problem develops when women neglect to pour into their girls, nuggets of wisdom and knowledge.  So that when those same girls grow up, they won’t be so quick to follow after the trends, lower their standards, or subtract from their value.

Even if we don’t want to, we can’t help but see and know what’s going on out there in social media world.  The only way to not know is live under some rocks.  Every single day, girls are involving themselves in some stupid “challenge” or participating in dangerous behaviors just because of who they see on television. Celebrities on television display some of the most asinine behaviors and start trends…Guess who’s here in the “real world” following suit?  Yep, you guessed right…OUR girls.  Thigh gap.  Big lip challenge.  Misbehavior.  And I’m sure the list goes on...

I’m not saying we’ll be able to catch every little thing.  Because even my daughter has gotten caught up in the hype.  However, I believe the reason why she hasn't gone completely out there, is because of what we teach her at home.  Deuteronomy 6:6-9 says, “And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.  Repeat them again and again to your children.  Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.”  This isn't a suggestion, but rather a command given to us as parents, women, mentors, or any level of influence, to point our children in the right direction through Christ.  Because our girls are looking at us…LADIES!  They are looking for the standard.  It has to start with us.

Okay, I know some of you reading this are like “dang, it’s not that serious!”  “Let them grow up! They have to learn!”  “Weren't you once a teenager?”  Well here’s my answer: Yes, it is that serious. Weeds grow wild and eventually are plucked up and destroyed.  And yes I was a teenager, THAT’S why I’m sending out this message!  In that order!!  Look, I get some will not agree with what I’m saying.  And that’s totally fine.  However, I’m not going to sit around and be hushed face because the matter is serious!  Girls are succumbing to the grips of the world and it’s on us to make a difference!  Men, if you’re reading this, I encourage you to jump on the bandwagon.  But I will say that the buck eventually stops at some point because a man can NEVER teach a girl how to be a woman (and vice versa).  Give her tips, advice, suggestions, yes I’m all for it.  But women, grown women need to rise up!  Titus 2 gives a charge for the older women to teach the younger women how to live, treat their husband and children.  Before they can ever reach that level, they must first learn how to be women.

I know this was long…and I really appreciate you staying with me to the end, but I really would like for you to think about the influence you have in a young lady’s life…whether you are that young girl’s mother, sister, aunt, grandmother, or just an authority/mentor figure in her life.  Talk to her.  Learn her.  Understand where she’s coming from.  What’s going on in her life.  Because if you don’t, someone else will…and you’ll regret the day you missed your opportunity.  Be blessed!!

The Bags Gotta Go!!

I was exposed to sexual content at an early age.  I was verbally, mentally, emotionally, and physically abused by the adults in my life.  My earliest memory of being called stupid, ugly, and a no good was probably around the age of 6 or 7.  Nothing I did was ever good enough.  The attention I craved, I didn't get because the people around me didn't know how to give it.  As I grew up, I drifted in and out of relationships, desperately seeking someone to love me the way I deeply craved.  I allowed men to use me because I wanted that affection.  While all of this was going on on the outside, on the inside I collected tons of baggage and strongholds that were killing me.  I lived in the realm of deep fear of rejection.  It was difficult to think of myself in any other way other than what was already imprinted in my soul...that I was ugly, stupid and good for nothing.

I grew up into a young woman.  Becoming a mom at 19 to a man I only knew for 3 months.  I was scared to death.  How could I raise this child when I didn't know how to parent? I went back and forth with the idea of aborting the child.  But something just wouldn't allow me to do it.  So I gave birth to a little girl.  I discovered a love for her that was deeper than I had ever felt!  I wanted to protect her from everything I had ever experienced in my life.  Throughout me raising her, I slipped up and turned deeply back into sin.  I was in the Army.  I was married to my daughter’s father.  A broken woman, wife, mother, soldier, with a ton of baggage that was starting to wear me down. 

Years later, I divorced my daughter's father.  Went into a deep depression, and nearly lost everything.  I had always had a working knowledge of God because I grew up in church.  But this God I knew, I thought was so, so far away from me...and that He would never come to my rescue.  Why would He let me go through all of this?  I remember being in my apartment in 2010 crying out to Him.  Not only did He answer, but let me know He was always listening!  His love overwhelmed me but I still fought.  It felt foreign to be loved like this so I kept running.  Until 2013, when I couldn't run anymore.  God sought my heart and I gave it to Him.  I hope He knew what He was in for, lol!  But my God is big and mighty and can handle the worst of hearts! 

I presented Him with all of my baggage and I’m discovering there's more baggage I have to give to Him.  In my humility and great awe, I constantly humbly bow down to my Father and surrender all to Him.  I am here to tell you IT IS BECAUSE OF MY FATHER, GOD AND ONLY BECAUSE OF HIM that I am even able to sit at this computer and confidently share a part of my story. 

God has plans for those bags.  He says for us to come to Him all who are weary and heavy burdened and He will give us rest (Matthew 11:28).  He wants to share in our struggle.  Better yet, He wants to take ON our struggle.  We all have luggage, baggage, tough boxes full of stuff.  No matter what decisions we made in life, I encourage you to know that God knows and He loves you too much to let you walk out the rest of your life carrying those things.  Allow Him to take over those things that weigh you down so you can begin again in Him!  I pray my story encourages you because our story is really a part of HIS-STORY!  Be blessed!!

Don't Go Back to the Pit!!!

We used to go to the country side a lot in Florida.  Okay, I know what you’re thinking…what country in Florida?  But trust me, where I grew up, the country was never too far away.  The home we went to sat behind a corn field.  We always knew when we were close because of the ripe stench of poo in the air. Somehow we were related to the people whose house we went to…but at 10 years old, all of the details didn’t matter.  Just the fact that we were going to have some fun on a farm.  However, every time we’d go, somehow I’d always get put in charge of feeding the pigs.  Yuck!  Pigs, really?!  So I trudged out to the pig sty only to watch them wallow relentlessly in the mud.  It was like a competition to see who could get the dirtiest.  Then after wrestling around in the pit, the pigs would lay in satisfaction basking in swarming flies.  Ahh, good times.

1 John 1:9 But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.

What brought that memory back to me was a thought I had a couple of days ago.  About how we as Christians, get cleaned up and brand new on the inside…but because of the familiarity of our sinful natures, sometimes we go wallowing back in the sty of sin.  I think sometimes being in the midst of our filth is more comfortable to us than the new, uncomfortable feeling of “living right.”  I mean, think of the pig…or let me use an example that many of us probably have seen…a dog.  When a dog gets washed, nice and clean, smelling fresh and good…what’s the first thing it runs for when released?  If outside, the dirt or grass.  Why?  Because that’s its nature.  That’s what it is used to.  Dirt.  Filth.

Jeremiah 33:8 (NLT) I will cleanse them of their sins against me and forgive all their sins of rebellion.

There were issues God revealed to me about my own ways.  My attitude.  My thoughts. Just filthy.  Okay, not in “that” way but filthy as in “nice nasty.”  I’d cut a person into shards without them even knowing it.  Here’s the kicker, just because a sin isn’t known publically, doesn’t mean it’s not known in secret…because of course God knows all.  And here it was, I didn’t WANT to get rid of my attitude.  I didn’t FEEL that my thoughts hurt anyone.  Oh how I was wrong.  Because see every time I chose sin over God, I put more distance between He and I.

2 Peter 1:9 (NCV) But anyone who does not have these things cannot see clearly.  He is blind and has forgotten that he was made clean from his past sins.

By nature we are ALL sinners.  Daily we have to fight to maintain our salvation and deliverance.  That’s what the Apostle Paul makes clear in Galatians 5:16-17.  There will ALWAYS be a struggle between our old and new selves.  However, there is a difference between that and WILLFULLY returning to our sinful natures…or “the pig sty.”

Galatians 5:17(NLT) The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants.  And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires.  These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions.

This is the bottom line…nothing is hidden from God.  We all have to fight daily to not return to the sty of sin.  Temptations come and will continue to come.  People will work our nerves.  Situations will flop.  We will get disappointed.  The list goes on and on.  In all of that, we STILL have the choice to decide what we choose…to maintain our salvation OR return to the pit.

Which will you choose?

How She Sees Herself Matters

Growing up, I faced many challenges.  First, I grew up in very poor conditions in Florida.   My family was dysfunctional on almost every level. I suffered verbal, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse from family members and struggled greatly in school.  I grew up nurturing the stigmas that had been attached to me...that I was stupid, ugly, not good enough, would never amount to anything, etc.  Because of those negative seeds that took root in my soul, I began acting the parts. I did my best to fit in but in ways that would later hurt me and cause years of battles and struggles.

For years, kids have struggled to fit in.  That's nothing new.  But what I see going on today places an insurmountable amount of stress and pressure on teenagers, especially teenage girls. 

Society now has deemed that brains and beauty don't mix.  Rather, the way she looks, how well endowed she is, her clothes, personality, etc...those things matter.  And in many cases, girls dumb themselves down so they can be seen as more appealing and attractive.  They lower their own standards to suit their yearning to fit in.  Statistics show that girls between the ages of 10-14 begin to show signs of low self esteem.  In their minds, they equate being pretty with how big breasts, behind, and hips are, how one dresses, how long or pretty one's hair is, how facial features look...and the list goes on. 

I see it all the time.  Girls taking hundreds of "selfies" and posting them to social media sites. Desperately seeking validation through others comments and likes, totally disregarding the fact of how (excuse me) ridiculous they look.  

The majority of time, the need to be accepted becomes so overwhelming until girls will do whatever it takes to feed that growing monster.  Giving herself up, using and abusing herself...all for the need of justifying her actions and growing desire for attention.  

The biggest mistake we make as parents is overlooking, ignoring or blowing off those signs.  We obliviously keep ourselves in denial because we feel our kids will never step out of line in that manner.  Well, that's where we're wrong.

Parents, please hear me.  Most of you probably know this, but I'm saying it anyway.  Learn and know your teenage girls.  In most cases, a teenage girl won't talk to her mother about issues she's facing.  More than likely, she'll try to cover them up.  But with diligence and good observation, tell-tell signs still have a way of being discovered.  Watch for those signs. Be nosy.  If you bought your teenager a phone or any technology source, you have ALL rights to it until they move out of your house (and in some cases you still have the rights).  Check social media sites, ask questions. 

Now I know what you might think..."Well does it take all of that?" "Is it that serious?" "They're teenagers! They need freedom and space to grow and become who they're going to be!"  Got all of that, but what do you say when you find out your teenager is having sex just to keep her boyfriend?  Or she's developed some bad habits just to fit in and be accepted?  Would you still feel the same?

I'm not suggesting we smother and shelter our children.  We can't protect them from everything.  Life is inevitable and things are going to happen. However, we are our kids first teachers.  We are their first role model, first counselor, first date, first friend.  If we allow our children to be taught by the streets, the streets is what they will turn to.  And we need to watch our own actions.  Children watch us when we think they're not paying attention.  In those moments are the greatest lessons taught.

Our children need us...especially our teenage girls.  Understand, learn, and educate yourself on what's out there and be proactive.  Don't wait for something to happen and then react.

Does your daughter mean that much to you?  She should...mine does! 

Stepping Out of Normal...

I grew up terribly shy.  I tried to the best of my ability to stay “normal.”  I did everything to appear normal, especially to my family.  But in my seemingly failing efforts, I knew deep down inside that I was different.  Externally, everything around me screamed normal, below average even.  Statistical data had already painted my life out for me.  Because I was an African American girl raised by a single mother in a dysfunctional home in a poverty-stricken part of Florida, with siblings that were technically my “half” siblings…I was to drop out of high school, have a child not long after dropping out, working at a low end job, having no goals or aspirations for myself, and living below societal standards.  But something in me wouldn’t allow that to happen.  Even through witnessing and experiencing things no child should ever have to, I felt something deep inside me, telling me that I was not normal. That there was more to life than where I was. 

Against the odds, I graduated high school (a few points shy of graduating with honors, darn algebra), enlisted into the U.S. Army, where I had the honor of serving my country for 14 years with multiple deployments.  I was awarded several awards, coins, and medals for my service.  I became a homeowner, owned my own vehicle, got married, and had a beautiful daughter.  I defied the odds.  But somehow I still felt I had conformed to something.  I still felt…normal.  Please continue to follow me here…I promise there’s a point to all of this. 

Having accomplished all of what I did, there was still a deficit.  On the other side of my accolades were turmoil, depression, stress, recklessness, and self abuse.  I played Russian Roulette with my life.  I fought aimlessly to be seen, to be noticed, and to be loved. It wasn’t until one unforeseen event after another took place, including a divorce from my daughter’s father that I realized something was wrong and if I didn’t get a grip, I would lose. 

In desperation, I came to Christ.  I ran from Him for so long and I wasn’t sure He even wanted me anymore.  But boy was I mistaken.  He wanted me, ALL of me.  The good.  Bad.  Ugly. Tore up. Me.   In seeking more of God in my life, I learned that His children AREN’T normal.  We are His “special” children, peculiar some translations describes it.  (1 Peter 2:9).  Even in my times of living life without God, I always felt His presence.  I couldn’t articulate it but I always sensed that something was different about my life.  And there was.  He was calling me.

Romans 12:2 (NLT) Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think…

Some of you reading this may have had the same feelings throughout your life.  As Christians, we live in this world but should not be “of” it.  We are called to live differently.  We aren’t to conform to the normal standards of the world.  Okay hear me out, rules and laws are just that.  We must abide by those.  And we aren’t to treat being a Christian with spooky behaviors.  What I’m saying is, instead of trying to fit in with the world, we are called to step out, up, and represent Christ.  Our lives are to be a representation of the God we serve.  Stepping out of normal requires confidence, strength, and wisdom…all of which comes from our Father alone.  Not our own philosophies and vain attempts. 

What is it that holds you back from stepping out of normal?

When God Speaks, Listen!

"It's in God's word where we learn the authenticity of His voice."---Lucrecia Slater  

Good morning all. God is so amazing. He truly makes me emotional. I woke up this morning anxious and worried, just feeling some kind of way. I entered into my devotional the same way. I was just kind of sitting there when God lead me to Isaiah...at first I thought to a certain chapter, but I ended up at Isaiah 41:10 (NLT) "Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Then I was lead to Psalm 130:5 "I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on Him. I have put my hope in His word." 

God loves us immensely. We can't and never will fathom the depth of that love. He is with us in this process, whatever process you are going through.  He is with us in every step. He will strengthen us and guide us, holding us up with His victorious right hand. In return, we are to count on Him and Him alone. We are to place our hope in His word because He's a man that He cannot lie and whose word does NOT return to Him void.

God speaks to us through various forms.  The most common is through His word.  It's in our devotional time where we take the time to learn His voice.  We, on many occasions, look for God to speak to us in some supernatural, dramatic way...parting the clouds, lightening bolts and thunder.  But in us looking for that, we miss His voice...His still, calm voice (1 Kings 19:11-13). I pray this blesses someone as it did me.

What ways has God spoken to you?  Has He lead you to scriptures that instantly soothed your spirit? 

Life + Billboard=Representation

Here's the thing...what we display to those around us is what we essentially say about ourselves and represent. "Your reputation proceeds you" has come to be one of my favorite quotes (quoted by my husband) because it's loaded with volumes of truth.  As Christians, it's easy to set up an actor's stage before others.  Those of you reading can agree that we see it all of the time, even participated in it at one point. When we get around a certain group (namely church family) we stuff ourselves into our "holy roller" suits and wear it well.  But the thing is, is that we have it misconstrued if we think we can fool people into thinking we represent something and we really don't. As a speaker said yesterday in   church, "we've perfected doing church but failed at representing church."  Because real church happens outside of the walls of the church building...at home, on the job, at the gas station, in school...I think you're getting my point.

Matthew 7:21-23 Not everyone who calls out to me, 'Lord, Lord!' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven.  Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter.

We are what many people see outside of the walls of the organization of the church.  Some may never step within those walls...and what they see in our lives is what they will get. So many of us perfect lip service but fail miserably at living those words out.  Yes, we all fail because we're all naturally sinners...believers and nonbelievers alike.  However, what separates us, or what should separate us from nonbelievers is our determined effort to live, breathe, and have our being in Jesus Christ (Acts 17:28).

Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.

Our lives are that billboard (representation).  What we do and how we do it displays the internal truth of our life.  The truth is, if the only reason we become Christians is to avoid hell...then...get ready for this...we might as well stop now, because we're only wasting our time.  I'm not bashing no one because I'm in the pool of the most jacked up.  However, I've committed my life, flaws, and all that I am to the Living God.  Though I may stumble, I choose to get up and continue living according to God's word.  Because again, my life is a billboard.

Our children.  Schoolmates.  Family.  Acquaintances.  Coworkers.  Strangers. Are all exposed to the unspoken message of what we represent.  Yes we are free in Christ, but we shouldn't allow our freedom to cause another person to stumble.  Let's make up in our minds that we will represent Christ to those around us as best as we can!  Be blessed!

Romans 14:13  So let's stop condemning each other.  Decide instead to live in such a way that you will not cause another believer to stumble and fall.