You Matter!

Hey y’all. If I may be a little transparent this afternoon. It's taken me some time (years) grappling with the thought of sharing some of my most vulnerable points in my life. Though I can't and won't share all, I have come to learn the necessity of transparency. In some way, we are all connected through trials, struggles, even sin. When we've received healing, we have the choice to remain silent or help usher the next person into his or her healing and freedom. I've chosen the latter.

I am humbled to share an article on mental illness written by myself and my business partner, Ramon Maisonet. It is our prayer and hope that the candid truth in this article be the catalyst to someone's healing.‪#‎HaveTheConversation ‪#‎MentalIllnessAwarenessMonth ‪#‎YouMatter

Photo Credit: Forest Cavale via CreationSwap

Click on or highlight and copy the link below into your browser. 

http://clarksvillenow.com/local/letter-you-matter/       

Aim for Her Life

**Important Note** To those who read this who have sons, please understand I wish not to exclude sons from this topic. Their upbringing by both parents is equally of value. However, my charge from God is to women and daughters. It is not my intention or desire to present information I have no knowledge of since I am the mother of only girls. Any information that goes forth in my blogs are from personal experience and guidance from God. I hope this is clearly understood and no negative feelings are taken from the mention of only daughters and mothers. Blessings!  J

So, I’m a huge Hunger Games fan.  Am I the only one? I’m sure I’m not! I’ve watched all but the last movie. From the time I watched the first movie, I was hooked.  My favorite character of course, is Katniss Everdeen.  Not only are her skills amazing, but her will to live and sacrifice for others are admirable. She becomes a skilled bow & arrow shooter who is selected (well forced) to participate in representing her people of District 12 in a violent game of survival. With every draw of her bow, the weight of her people rests on her shoulders. The weight of potential victory so her district can receive vital necessities such as food and fresh water. The future of her people depends on her. Sounds familiar? Maybe not. Allow me to explain.

Okay mothers, this is where I need your imaginations activated. Now, go with me here…so imagine the weight Katniss has on her shoulders for her generation.  Now imagine our families…our daughters specifically.  The weight we’re given by God to carry to ensure our daughters grow up to be the women He designed them to be.  Now we don’t have tangible arrows to shoot.  But we have our engagement.  Our guidance. Our thoughts. Our words. Our actions. We have those unseen arrows that can do just as much damage as the real ones. Just as Katniss had a humble heart, she understood the implications of withholding from shooting an arrow. She understood that she wasn’t in that game just for herself, but for her District.  For people who relied on her drive, determination, and courage to get through.

Hebrews 12:11 (NLT) No discipline is enjoyable while it’s happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained this way.

Sometimes the arrows we shoot, correction, chastising, discipline, don’t feel good. But it’s in understanding that we aren’t just raising these girls, that makes the difference. We are raising the future. We are raising them to continue on where we leave off. I’ll be the first to say when I have to correct my fifteen year old daughter, not all the time does it feel good. I even question myself sometimes. But even in doing that, I must understand that if I don’t throw that arrow of correction or that arrow of discipline, she will grow up a wild weed being blown and tossed by the wind. She will grow up validating who she is in relationships, habits, addictions, status, etc.

Ephesians 2:10 (New Living Translation) For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.

Not every arrow shot did Katniss hit her target and I know not every arrow we shoot will hit their intended target either, but it’s in not quitting or giving up that makes the difference. It’s in our daughters seeing our determination to continue forward that sends an unspoken message to them. Mothers, we are given the charge to ensure our daughters grow up knowing they are princesses in the eyes of God. We are given the charge to safeguard the innocence of our daughters in the manner of appearance, relationships, integrity, worth, etc. If we choose to neglect those charges, then we leave it up to the world to shoot arrows into their lives.

So mothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, or any woman of influence…get those bows in hand, charge that arrow, breathe, and shoot! Blessings!!

What’s some of the painful lessons (arrows) you’ve had to shoot in your daughter’s life that she later appreciated?

Putting Things Into Perspective

So a few days ago, my phone completely died on me.  Out of the blue, a brand new phone died…Surprisingly, I didn’t overreact like I did when my phone before this one died.  As a matter of fact, I only prayed one prayer, that my phone would come on for just one moment to speak with my husband about an important matter…and it did!

But of course, in many of the small things that happen in our lives comes great lessons to learn from or thoughts to ponder on.  Mine showed up as a thought to ponder…a couple of thoughts actually. 

I recently started back college.  I am hoping after retry #600 that this will be it and I will be walking the stage, degree in hand (please Lord!) I also have new projects and ventures under way, my husband has launched a great program, our daughter is knee deep in the teenage years and our baby girl is flying through her toddler years.  So yeah, you can say I am juggling a lot.  And like many of you have probably said hundreds of times, there just DOES NOT seem to be enough hours in the day to get things done! I mean, geesh, I blink once and it’s at the top of the hour.  Blink again, it’s at the top of another! Am I the only one to witness this phenomenon?! 

 As I sat looking at my phone go in and out of life and death, a soft thought came my mind.  What if this was supposed to happen this way? My phone dying that is.  Because, although I’d rather not admit it, I’m addicted to my phone.  I can easily get lost in the pinning ocean of Pinterest! Darn you creators of Pinterest!!  And while I’m whizzing through pins, time is ticking and tocking away. It was a humbling but hard truth to realize that I didn’t value my time as I ought.

The bible says things such as “make the most of every opportunity” (Ephesians 5:16), “teach us to number our days” (Psalm 90:12).  Further scriptures instruct us to learn and understand what God wants and how He wants us to spend our time.  Our time is valuable…I would dare to say invaluable because we can’t get it back once it’s gone!

So, as my phone made its last flicker, I remembered one of my core values which is time management. I value my time spent on things that will better me, my family, the people God places in my life, and the Kingdom of God.  The fight was over.  Some rearranging, prioritizing, delegating and dedicating had to be done to my time.  After all, I’m holding myself accountable to what I chose as a core value!

I pray from my lessons you are blessed and even have reflective moments that leads you to rearrange some things to better dedicate, dream, and do! Blessings!

*Photo credit: @rekitanicoledesigns 

Hello! Now Let's Change!

First off, WELCOME TO 2016!!! I know we are a “few” days into the new year, but I haven’t gotten the chance to welcome everybody.  Gosh, it feels like forever ago since I’ve been here.  And please, my apologies for being MIA.  I’ve actually been in the stewing pot reviewing, revamping, and creating some new things.  I am SO thankful to God for choosing to allow me to see another year in both my birthday (mid December) and the new year!

Sooo much has taken place and though some of that much was bittersweet, I’ve come to understand it was necessary. A lot hit my family and I right at the smack end of the year.  But again, it was necessary.  Had some of those events not happened, I don’t think I’d be on the track I’m on now.  God has a plan, has always had a plan, and will carry it out for good in mine and your life (Jeremiah 29:11; Romans 8:28). So I chose and choose to trust Him. I hope you do too! J

So...all of that processing led to me thinking…thinking of course about change.  This is what I got.

In order for change to take place, we must be willing to change.

I remember growing up, I was terribly shy. I hated making eye contact or doing anything that would draw unwanted attention.  Having that trait coupled with fear didn’t make things better.  I kind of outgrew one of them (shyness) but the other, I enabled for so long until it crippled me.  It wasn’t until recently, and I mean as recent as the last year or so, that I decided to divorce fear.  I had had enough and I wanted out.  I wanted to change.  Needed to change.  And so I started the process. 

See, I think one of the biggest issues with change is this…we become so comfortable where we are, even when we know where we are isn’t good for us.  We get trapped in our own vices.  Sabotage our own freedom.  But the truth is and remains that if we don’t make the deliberate, intentional decision to change and be set free, we will always be that caged bird on the inside, looking out. We have to decide that being uncomfortable and moving forward in God’s assigned destiny is better than being complacent and miserable. We have to be willing to take God by His word and follow Him as He leads us (Proverbs 3:5,6).  I know sometimes the way looks foggy or downright unrecognizable, but as we learn to see with faith and not our own understanding, change becomes a bit easier to enter into (2 Corinthians 5:7).

So what steps have you started to take to make sure your change isn’t sabotaged? 

I pray y’alls new year has been off to a great start. Blessings!! J

Removing the Plank

Many times it’s not easy acknowledging our own flaws.  Quite frankly, we don’t want to so we don’t.  Because if we do, that places us in the spotlight.  

It places us on a platform of un-comfortability.  So instead of admitting our flaws, we point the finger or fingers at someone else’s.  We bash, criticize, judge, gossip, or straight run down that person’s character once their flaws are exposed.  We think that because they operate in a certain capacity that they’re to be perfect…flawless even.  But God is clear in His word when He says that we will be judged with the same measure of judgment we dish out on others (Matthew 7:1-2). 

We are all jacked up.  We are all in need of a Savior.  Whether we believe it or not, accept or acknowledge that fact…the truth remains that we all are flawed and all fall short (Romans 3:23 NLT).  It’s not always easy to own up to topics like this.  Because we prefer to project a squeaky clean image.  We cocoon ourselves from our reality and transform instead into a faced-type of life, giving that false impression for others to validate.

As I am in the midst of this learning this difficult lesson, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s better to strive to live in peace with God and those around me and to be real with my own faults.  Not only recognizing my own frailties but working through the shortcomings of other people as well.  The bible says that it’s not only about our own interests but also the interest of others (Philippians 2:4-5).  We will all have to give a personal account to God for our actions…so we should decide to live in such a way to not cause another to stumble and fall (Romans 14:13).  And that includes bashing, criticizing, judging, and condemning. 

God doesn’t desire perfection from us…but willful excellence and devotion to Him through our lives.  So let’s go find some good tweezers, because we have some planks to pull out! 

Blessings! J

Who Are You NOT To Be?

I hadn’t heard of this quote by Marianne Williamson before the movie, “Akeelah and the Bee.”  I am all for good quotes, but it’s the ones oozing with volumes of hidden lessons and meanings that catches my attention.  Eventually, I found the rest of the quote and printed it out. 

I misplaced that it years ago, but lately a piece of it has resurfaced in my mind…the part that poses the question “but who are you NOT to…?” You know how sometimes you’re in a certain place in your life where you find things that are significant for the moment, but that “fizz” eventually dies down?  Well that’s what happened to me with that quote.  It wasn’t until about a few days ago, actually, that I began thinking about it again.  As I found it on Google and reread it, a sad reality hit me.  Marianne wrote that quote over 20 years ago in her first book, “A Return to Love.”  I don’t think she knew just how much of a deep impact those words have made over the years and even now.

But the reality I came to is that many of us today live our lives in a minimized state.  We minimize ourselves, our thinking, our talents, our gifts, and our abilities.  For many reasons, but the main one being fear.  This four letter word has been the robber, culprit, and common denominator of many people’s dreams.  We’ve been held captive, petrified to take that step into destiny.  Instead, we’ve controlled and control ever move we make just to appease the menacing presence & voice of fear.  We’ve allowed fear to convince us into thinking that we’re not worthy of our talents and that our presence will never measure up in the eyes of the world.  But as the quote says, who are we to NOT think so?

1 Peter 4:10 (NLT) God has given each of you His great variety of spiritual gifts.  Use them well to serve one another.

Each one of us is equipped with talents and gifts that ONLY WE can distribute to the world.  Many of us are on the cusp of entering into destiny…what we’ve been placed here on earth to do.  We can’t allow our own defeated conversations, the criticisms and judgments of others to keep us from fulfilling our role.  1 John 4:18(KJV) says “There is NO fear in love; but PERFECT love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment.  He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” (emphasis mine).  This scripture isn’t saying that our love is to be perfect, because of course, we aren’t!  What it’s saying is once we recognize the One whose love IS perfect, we can rest in that perfect love and move forward in confidence.  The scripture pointed out something interesting…”fear hath torment”….How many of us wrestle with being tormented by fear? (Hand raised) I’ll be the first to admit.  Day in and day out, we know there’s a greater purpose for our lives, but we submit ourselves to the torturous effects of fear.  That’s not God’s intent at all!

I want to encourage whoever reads this to know that you are worth something.  Your talents, gifts, and abilities are important and needed.  God has designed you…and ONLY you to carry out His good will for His kingdom.  So begin today with the intentional decision to own up to your call and move in the perfect love of God and fulfill your destiny.  Be blessed!

*******Here are more encouraging scriptures I use daily in this process:*******

Romans 12:2

Proverbs 18:21

2 Corinthians 10:4,5

Show Them Who They Are Through You...

Before I dive in, I want to say two things:  THIS IS LONG…and that I will be speaking on content that is, I guess, not commonly talked about.  But I think that’s where the problem lies.  We don’t talk enough about the right things! I've found that many (not all) people are one of three extremes:  the hard left (too out of touch to talk about real life), the hard right (too busy trying to be like everybody else) or neither (because they’re in denial).  But when someone discusses something of sense and importance, it’s overboard, boring, too much or whatever.  (Shrugs shoulders) Oh well…I’m talking anyway.

So I have two girls.  One well into her teenage years and the other, fresh into toddler-hood.  My baby has pretty much grasped being potty trained (yay, thank God, no more pampers)!! Now, I’m working on teaching her the proper way to wipe.  Bless her heart, she’ll eventually get it…In this process though, I was lead to some thoughts.

Growing up, I was taught very little on the proper way to take care of myself and successfully enter into womanhood.  My mother was more of the threatening type than the helping type.  Just about everything I inquired about warranted a harsh response from her.  Because of her neglect to teach me, I endured very painful, embarrassing incidents throughout life.  Through the years, I learned from other women, research, and experience of how to take care of myself and what it meant to respect myself.

As women raising daughters or being a woman of influence in a girl’s life, it’s vital that we teach them how to successfully transition from girl to woman.  Anyone reading this know, growing up there was that one girl or person we saw in magazines, music videos, or movies that we just “had” to be like.  #Truth, I just KNEW I was Aaliyah!  I knew ALL of her dances moves, songs, her bio, everything!!  We all go through it.  Cool.  A part of growing up.  I get that.  The problem develops when there are no talks about being true to who we are, value, worth, boundaries, and standards.  The problem develops when women neglect to pour into their girls, nuggets of wisdom and knowledge.  So that when those same girls grow up, they won’t be so quick to follow after the trends, lower their standards, or subtract from their value.

Even if we don’t want to, we can’t help but see and know what’s going on out there in social media world.  The only way to not know is live under some rocks.  Every single day, girls are involving themselves in some stupid “challenge” or participating in dangerous behaviors just because of who they see on television. Celebrities on television display some of the most asinine behaviors and start trends…Guess who’s here in the “real world” following suit?  Yep, you guessed right…OUR girls.  Thigh gap.  Big lip challenge.  Misbehavior.  And I’m sure the list goes on...

I’m not saying we’ll be able to catch every little thing.  Because even my daughter has gotten caught up in the hype.  However, I believe the reason why she hasn't gone completely out there, is because of what we teach her at home.  Deuteronomy 6:6-9 says, “And you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to these commands that I am giving you today.  Repeat them again and again to your children.  Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.”  This isn't a suggestion, but rather a command given to us as parents, women, mentors, or any level of influence, to point our children in the right direction through Christ.  Because our girls are looking at us…LADIES!  They are looking for the standard.  It has to start with us.

Okay, I know some of you reading this are like “dang, it’s not that serious!”  “Let them grow up! They have to learn!”  “Weren't you once a teenager?”  Well here’s my answer: Yes, it is that serious. Weeds grow wild and eventually are plucked up and destroyed.  And yes I was a teenager, THAT’S why I’m sending out this message!  In that order!!  Look, I get some will not agree with what I’m saying.  And that’s totally fine.  However, I’m not going to sit around and be hushed face because the matter is serious!  Girls are succumbing to the grips of the world and it’s on us to make a difference!  Men, if you’re reading this, I encourage you to jump on the bandwagon.  But I will say that the buck eventually stops at some point because a man can NEVER teach a girl how to be a woman (and vice versa).  Give her tips, advice, suggestions, yes I’m all for it.  But women, grown women need to rise up!  Titus 2 gives a charge for the older women to teach the younger women how to live, treat their husband and children.  Before they can ever reach that level, they must first learn how to be women.

I know this was long…and I really appreciate you staying with me to the end, but I really would like for you to think about the influence you have in a young lady’s life…whether you are that young girl’s mother, sister, aunt, grandmother, or just an authority/mentor figure in her life.  Talk to her.  Learn her.  Understand where she’s coming from.  What’s going on in her life.  Because if you don’t, someone else will…and you’ll regret the day you missed your opportunity.  Be blessed!!