Measuring by Social Media...

My daughter is 15 years old, soon to be “sweet” 16 this year. When she first hit her teenage years, I started sweating. Well, I was actually sweating when she was nearing her teenage years. I mentally prepared myself for the altercations, “those” conversations, the crushes, and so forth.

All the preparing in the world doesn’t get us ready for the roller coaster ride our kids get ready to get on when they enter their teenage years.

It didn’t help that I had nothing from my own upbringing to fall back on, since it was extremely dysfunctional. I took what I wanted and needed my mom to do and how I wanted and needed her to treat me and poured that into my daughter. Boy was I in for it. Throughout middle school, I had to learn her.

And oh yes, parents, we HAVE to learn our children. As they grow, they change, they evolve. And we must do the same with them.

 At first, I came off way too strong and tried to keep her locked up. But I thought to myself, “Not only am I becoming my mom but I’m creating a mini-me.” Because when my mom would lock the ball and chain around my ankle, I learned the craft of sneaking. Oh, was I good at it. I digress. I had to re-calibrate and look at things from a different perspective. Once I lightened up and approached my daughter with openness and care for her, she responded well.

We had conversations all the time…random, serious, about life, boys, peer pressure, social media, etc. At one point, I gave her permission to have a Facebook account. My husband and I agreed to give her a test run with it to see how she would do. It wasn’t long before she proved us both right, she wasn’t ready. She got tangled up in back and forth cyber fights with other girls, bullied, and even threatened (which lead to a couple meetings with the principal/vice principal of the school). It was then I had to really hone in on the seriousness of social media. I explained to my daughter it wasn’t that I was trying to make her life miserable but there were and are repercussions that comes from having social media accounts, the biggest ones---peer pressure and bullying.

Of course, that went in one ear and out of the other because all she saw were her friends all around her with the latest iPhones and talking about the latest hype on social media. Then she started to see it…and get it. She started to see the influx of teenage girls being cyber-bullied and committing suicide off of it. The incident that struck home was when a fellow student committed suicide. She felt numb. “Mom, how? How can somebody kill themselves over what somebody posts on the internet? Why can’t they just ignore the comments?” Though I wish I had an easy explanation for her, I didn’t. What I told her is what I’m going to tell you…mother, parent, or student reading this.

Cyber bullying has way more consequences than just being bullied face to face. Once a picture or a comment is posted online, it’s there forever. Like wildfire, in the right hands it quickly spreads. And if that’s not enough, here are some FACTS*:

§  **Over half of adolescents and teens have been bullied online, and about half the same numbers have engaged in cyber bullying.

§  **More than 1 in 3 young people have experienced cyberthreats online.

§  **Over 25 percent of adolescents and teens have been bullied repeatedly through their cell phone or the Internet.

§  **Well over half the young people do not tell their parents when cyber bullying occurs.

§  **About 1 in 5 teens have posted or sent sexually suggestive or nude pictures of themselves to others.

§  **20 percent of kids cyberbullied think about suicide, and 1 in 10 attempt it.

There are a host of other stats to post, but I’m pretty sure I’m making my point clear. As parents, no we won’t be able to dabble in our children’s lives 24/7, nor should we try to. They are growing individuals learning who they are in this big world. However, it is so important that we just don’t leave them by the wayside to fend for themselves.

While some teens are good at masking emotions, others aren’t. Or they drop subliminal messages. We have to be on our guard to hone in on those queues. A recent case of this was the suicide of 15 year old Tovonna Holton (click link for the story http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/06/09/leak-of-nude-snapchat-drove-teen-girl-to-suicide.html). There are a few different stories circulating as to what lead to her death. But the strong factor remains that social media was involved…Snapchat. This is one of MANY social media outlets teens take to. I won’t dive into specifics about it, but I hope you do your research on it. I’m not going to speculate as to what happened, but the point is, is that a girl is now dead at the doing of her own hands because of a nude photo that made its way to social media.

Young ladies, young ladies, I really want to address you because lately I’ve been seeing your “sisters” succumb to the devastating blows of cyberbullying. Please understand the importance of self-reservation. Your goodies are meant to be disclosed until (hopefully) marriage. You are invaluable and your worth is more than what society makes it to be. Have those difficult conversations with your parents. Yeah, they may not “get you” but still talk. That one conversation could potentially save your life!

Parents, we are NOT our children’s friends! We have been given a charge to take care of them and safeguard them. To groom them into respectable men and women of society. Of course we’re not going to protect them from everything; however, we can plant the seeds. We can do our best. Engage in those difficult conversations with your child. If need be, take the source of technology away when behavior doesn’t warrant such privileges. Be the parent. We need to do our part.

**Note, please understand that in some cases, parents do as much as they possibly can and the child still opts to commit suicide. I am in no way saying that those in that situation didn’t do all they possibly could do. However, I am in a position where my daughter was bullied and there were certain steps I took both at home and in her school that changed the situation. And I feel the need to share in the voice that’s already circulating about the importance of protecting our children.  If you have the ability to do more, please do.

*Source: Bullying Statistics. (2014). Anti-Bullying Help, Facts, and More. Retrieved from http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/cyber-bullying-statistics.html