The Bags Gotta Go!!

I was exposed to sexual content at an early age.  I was verbally, mentally, emotionally, and physically abused by the adults in my life.  My earliest memory of being called stupid, ugly, and a no good was probably around the age of 6 or 7.  Nothing I did was ever good enough.  The attention I craved, I didn't get because the people around me didn't know how to give it.  As I grew up, I drifted in and out of relationships, desperately seeking someone to love me the way I deeply craved.  I allowed men to use me because I wanted that affection.  While all of this was going on on the outside, on the inside I collected tons of baggage and strongholds that were killing me.  I lived in the realm of deep fear of rejection.  It was difficult to think of myself in any other way other than what was already imprinted in my soul...that I was ugly, stupid and good for nothing.

I grew up into a young woman.  Becoming a mom at 19 to a man I only knew for 3 months.  I was scared to death.  How could I raise this child when I didn't know how to parent? I went back and forth with the idea of aborting the child.  But something just wouldn't allow me to do it.  So I gave birth to a little girl.  I discovered a love for her that was deeper than I had ever felt!  I wanted to protect her from everything I had ever experienced in my life.  Throughout me raising her, I slipped up and turned deeply back into sin.  I was in the Army.  I was married to my daughter’s father.  A broken woman, wife, mother, soldier, with a ton of baggage that was starting to wear me down. 

Years later, I divorced my daughter's father.  Went into a deep depression, and nearly lost everything.  I had always had a working knowledge of God because I grew up in church.  But this God I knew, I thought was so, so far away from me...and that He would never come to my rescue.  Why would He let me go through all of this?  I remember being in my apartment in 2010 crying out to Him.  Not only did He answer, but let me know He was always listening!  His love overwhelmed me but I still fought.  It felt foreign to be loved like this so I kept running.  Until 2013, when I couldn't run anymore.  God sought my heart and I gave it to Him.  I hope He knew what He was in for, lol!  But my God is big and mighty and can handle the worst of hearts! 

I presented Him with all of my baggage and I’m discovering there's more baggage I have to give to Him.  In my humility and great awe, I constantly humbly bow down to my Father and surrender all to Him.  I am here to tell you IT IS BECAUSE OF MY FATHER, GOD AND ONLY BECAUSE OF HIM that I am even able to sit at this computer and confidently share a part of my story. 

God has plans for those bags.  He says for us to come to Him all who are weary and heavy burdened and He will give us rest (Matthew 11:28).  He wants to share in our struggle.  Better yet, He wants to take ON our struggle.  We all have luggage, baggage, tough boxes full of stuff.  No matter what decisions we made in life, I encourage you to know that God knows and He loves you too much to let you walk out the rest of your life carrying those things.  Allow Him to take over those things that weigh you down so you can begin again in Him!  I pray my story encourages you because our story is really a part of HIS-STORY!  Be blessed!!