A Letter to my dad...

Dad,
It's funny to hear (see) myself say that word. Funny because I never got the opportunity to call you or any man that in my life that. There are so many things I use to ask myself. What did I do? Why doesn't he want to be in my life? Does he love me? Does he care for me? I felt abandoned. Rejected. Neglected. Unloved. I carried those painful bags with me throughout my life. I grew up into a messy woman, even had the nerve to have kids of my own...two daughters.

As they grew, I looked at their relationship with their father. I smiled and my heart warmed. Because I got to and get to experience through them, just a little bit, of what it must feel like to have strong arms wrap you close and protect you. The extinction of fear at the onset of his presence. The overwhelming excitement of seeing him walk through the door. The delightful smile across his face when he sees you. The blessings of the life-giving words he plants into your spirit. The foundation he builds up strong for you, showing you how a man is to treat a woman, how a father is to set aside his wants and desires because it's not about him anymore. I get to experience that through my girls. Their father dances with them, plays with them, encourages, esteems, and affirms them. He shows them what selfless love looks like.

You know, dad, I never hated you. But I did grow numb towards you. I know the missing imprint of your impression in my life, greatly affected it. I wandered aimlessly from man to man searching for that protection and covering that I desperately needed. I got hurt. Sometimes really bad. My heart was broken. But you know what? I can't and won't fault you. Don't get me wrong...it took many years for me to get to where I can say those words.

Once I sought a beautiful relationship with my Heavenly Father, He began filling those holes. He loved me seflessly and unconditionally. He wrapped me in His arms. Not only did He fill your place, but He showed me something spectacular. He showed me that what a person doesn't have they can't give. He showed me that though you could've made efforts to be present in my life, you were a broken man. You wandered and lived how you knew to. God guided me through the process of forgiving you. Because I am a grown woman now, with daughters of my own. He was showing me that in order to move forward in Him and be effective for my girls, I would have to hand this painful burden over to Him. And I did.

I started praying for you. I prayed for your soul, your heart, your life. I prayed that even if I never got the chance to establish a relationship with you, that you would establish one with God. I was even "bold or crazy" enough to pray that God would open the door for us to connect. Several months later, my Father honored my request by putting me on your heart. You called me. I heard your voice in the other end of my phone. I'll admit it was terribly awkward talking to you, but it warmed me also.

I have so much more to say but I won't draw this out further...but please understand this...I don't hold nothing against you. I have given all of those painful stingers to God. He caught every hot year I cried concerning you. Though you and I may not develop the relationship I needed in my childhood, I am willing to develop one with you now. You have two beautiful granddaughters who has never seen your face. I am willing to move forward with you because of them. I pray God blesses you...Happy Father's Day. ----Your daughter, Lucrecia

Men: Your very presence in your child's life has a GREAT impact on the trajectory of the rest of their lives. It's not about nor should it be about the woman taking on the role of two people. She can't and never will be able to fit those shoes. There are specific seeds that God placed inside of you that ONLY you can deposit into your sons and daughters. You are their covering. Their protector.  Their teacher. For the girls, their first example of what a good man looks like and how he is to treat her. For the boys, their first example of what a good man looks like and how he is to treat a woman. Father's day isn't to be celebrated just today but everyday. Don't just check in on your child when it's suitable for you...but choose not to ever check out! To all fathers, biological or not, we esteem and applaud you today. May this be a day that impresses on your heart the vital importance of your presence in your child's life. Happy Father's Day!!