How She Sees Herself Matters

Growing up, I faced many challenges.  First, I grew up in very poor conditions in Florida.   My family was dysfunctional on almost every level. I suffered verbal, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse from family members and struggled greatly in school.  I grew up nurturing the stigmas that had been attached to me...that I was stupid, ugly, not good enough, would never amount to anything, etc.  Because of those negative seeds that took root in my soul, I began acting the parts. I did my best to fit in but in ways that would later hurt me and cause years of battles and struggles.

For years, kids have struggled to fit in.  That's nothing new.  But what I see going on today places an insurmountable amount of stress and pressure on teenagers, especially teenage girls. 

Society now has deemed that brains and beauty don't mix.  Rather, the way she looks, how well endowed she is, her clothes, personality, etc...those things matter.  And in many cases, girls dumb themselves down so they can be seen as more appealing and attractive.  They lower their own standards to suit their yearning to fit in.  Statistics show that girls between the ages of 10-14 begin to show signs of low self esteem.  In their minds, they equate being pretty with how big breasts, behind, and hips are, how one dresses, how long or pretty one's hair is, how facial features look...and the list goes on. 

I see it all the time.  Girls taking hundreds of "selfies" and posting them to social media sites. Desperately seeking validation through others comments and likes, totally disregarding the fact of how (excuse me) ridiculous they look.  

The majority of time, the need to be accepted becomes so overwhelming until girls will do whatever it takes to feed that growing monster.  Giving herself up, using and abusing herself...all for the need of justifying her actions and growing desire for attention.  

The biggest mistake we make as parents is overlooking, ignoring or blowing off those signs.  We obliviously keep ourselves in denial because we feel our kids will never step out of line in that manner.  Well, that's where we're wrong.

Parents, please hear me.  Most of you probably know this, but I'm saying it anyway.  Learn and know your teenage girls.  In most cases, a teenage girl won't talk to her mother about issues she's facing.  More than likely, she'll try to cover them up.  But with diligence and good observation, tell-tell signs still have a way of being discovered.  Watch for those signs. Be nosy.  If you bought your teenager a phone or any technology source, you have ALL rights to it until they move out of your house (and in some cases you still have the rights).  Check social media sites, ask questions. 

Now I know what you might think..."Well does it take all of that?" "Is it that serious?" "They're teenagers! They need freedom and space to grow and become who they're going to be!"  Got all of that, but what do you say when you find out your teenager is having sex just to keep her boyfriend?  Or she's developed some bad habits just to fit in and be accepted?  Would you still feel the same?

I'm not suggesting we smother and shelter our children.  We can't protect them from everything.  Life is inevitable and things are going to happen. However, we are our kids first teachers.  We are their first role model, first counselor, first date, first friend.  If we allow our children to be taught by the streets, the streets is what they will turn to.  And we need to watch our own actions.  Children watch us when we think they're not paying attention.  In those moments are the greatest lessons taught.

Our children need us...especially our teenage girls.  Understand, learn, and educate yourself on what's out there and be proactive.  Don't wait for something to happen and then react.

Does your daughter mean that much to you?  She should...mine does!