The Masquerade...

 

They are colorful, beautiful, and in some cases very attractive.  They give the persona of a new life all on its own.  Behind the mask, we can be whoever we want to be.  We can even make it up as we go along....We can weave it up, glam it up, make it up, clothe & shoe it up...Because behind this mask is someone we wish to permanently quiet.  Behind the walls of the mask, we tuck away dark secrets, bones and skeletons.  We want to get as far away from that person as possible.  "I'm ugly.  I'm not smart.  I'm not confident.  I don't know how I should be treated and how to treat others.  I only exist to be used"  How can I ever be accepted for the real I?" That's the inward conversation we have that convinces us to stay hidden.  So let the masquerade go on, shall we.

 

But after a while, we get tired of holding that mask up.  We start to run out of personalities to portray.  We've already run our character in the ground by piling up facades and falsities.  We're relentless, so with the mask half off, we start to desperately dig deeper.  Putting ourselves out on the limb just to be blown away by whatever we wish to carry us off. 

 

The mask is starting to look tattered.  It's starting to unveil some of what we've tried so hard to hide.  Our insecurities start to seep through like a foul odor in a landfill.  "Where's the glue?" "Give me some tape!! I CANNOT expose this! Nobody will ever accept me for who I am!"  Again, the inward conversation is at work.  We hopelessly turn to superficial things, trying to repair the mask. 

 

The sad thing is so many of us live this type of life everyday.  It becomes second nature to live a pretend life...The misconception is that we're presenting to others our lies.  We, unbeknownst to them, cause them to enable our behavior.  They participate in this fable...not even realizing they are hurting us more than helping us.

 

Ladies...and men...it's time to search for our truth.  It's time to stop the masquerading and charades and quiet the inward voice.  When we become free from the pain or whatever it is that caused us to go into hiding...not only do weights fall off, but we move into position to enlighten others like us.  The essence of who we are can be beautiful if we allow it...even it if does carry some scars.   

 

 

 

To Be or Not to Be...Real?

 

 

Last night as I was scrolled through Facebook, I came across a profile of someone I once befriended.  She would never admit it, but I could tell she was starved for attention and validation.  Posting pics of herself half nude and making obscene comments...it was all a part of her formula to reel in the comments and like buttons.  The saddest part of it all, she has kids.  According to some of the statuses, her kids took the pictures...Now before you go off the deep end, I'm not passing judgment on this woman.  My observations of her actions actually lead me to tap into a memory of my own. 

For many years, I struggled with who I was.  I strongly disliked almost everything about me, my background, my family, etc.  I used to retreat to somewhere quiet and I'd daydream and imagine for hours.  What would it be like to be someone else?  That was my main thought but of course after some time I'd have to come back down to reality. 

As I got older, I came to learn the power of "reinvention."  I saw my peers take on this whole different persona.  But it wasn't for entertainment...it was to fit in, be accepted, gain attention or whatever the deficit served up at the time.  The more outgoing this new personality was, the more people dove deeper into it.  When I saw it worked for them, soon after I figured, "hey, then it has to work for me!"  And I jumped all in.

At first, my "alter egos" worked well for me.  They got maximum attention from men and I gained popularity.  All of which I didn't have as a child growing up.  This was the time of my life...never having to allow people access my past and the real me.  For years I lived this fake life.  I found too, the more belligerent I became, the more outspoken, outrageous, wild, and derailed...the more attention I drew.  This is what I thrived off of.  Even after giving birth to my oldest daughter in 2000, I didn't slow down.  I was obsessed and addicted to wanting and needing to be somebody other than me.  I worked hard at it and got better.  This façade lasted almost my entire adult life.  I began to distort fake from reality. 

My "imaginary" world started crumbling down a few years ago.  An incident that sent my life spiraling out of control caught my attention.  I was hooked like a fish...but instead of wiggling off the hook, I allowed it to sink deeper in.  I think by this point, I had gotten tired of playing and trying to keep up with it all. 

It wasn't until I met my (now) husband and rededicated my life to Christ, that I received full deliverance and healing.  I hid behind masks because I didn't know nor like who I was.  I felt if I could become someone I wasn't, that maybe I'd be accepted.  Which I was.  But when I looked back at the ones who accepted me, they were just like me...in hiding, tore up and in denial!

So mask free, drama free, and actor free...I can say with confidence that I appreciate who I am.   Once I allowed God to shine His light throughout my life, I realized I was  denying who I was meant to be and comparing myself to and trying to live according to standards of this world.  How I should act, think, look, be, etc...it all came from the world's view and not God's.  Though sometimes these old ways revisit me,  I've come to know who Lucrecia is.  And I appreciate her.  It's okay to be confident and sure of who you are, but if you have to compromise your dignity, character, value and worth doing so...then maybe you don't quite know after all.

 

***A note to those who may read this, have children and say "Whatever, I'm gonna do me regardless...I'm grown!"  Please be advised, children will follow almost exactly in your footsteps.  What you portray in front of them, it is almost surely to repeat itself in their own lives.  Don't risk the outcome of their future because you just "trying to do you!"

Romans 12:2 (NLT) Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Galatians 6:4 (NLT) "Each of you must examine your own actions.  Then you can be proud of your own accomplishments without comparing yourselves to others."

2 Corinthians 10:12 (NLT) Oh, don't worry; we wouldn't dare say that we are as wonderful as these other men who tell you how important they are!  But they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement.  How ignorant!"

Looking Back

I've always heard and I'm sure you have to, that we shouldn't look back on our past but keep moving forward towards the future.  Well, I got that, but this morning I did some reflecting.  From time to time, I'll revisit my past...just to see how far I've come.  When I look back on my past, I gain a new sense of gratitude.  I look back at the person I once was...one that was filled with so many toxins, hurt, and garbage.  Damaged emotionally, mentally, and even physically, that person seemed to be beyond repair.  It's amazing even how I overcame so much.

It's in appreciating my past that I am able to sit here today and profess to be a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).  I learned that it was in the beauty of my past that assisted in God's formation of who I am now.  The only thing I had to do was accept that and allow Him to do the work. 

So even while I sit in the present now, making moves towards the future, I don't ever want to (and neither should you) reject or deny my past...where I was and came from.  My past serves as a testament of God's hand and His amazing ability to renew and restore all things new! (Revelation 21:5).

Be blessed today!

Please Allow Me to Introduce Myself...

Hello all and welcome to my blog "Authentically Spoken."  I am pleased to finally have started up something I feel will not only benefit myself, but readers alike. 

In this blog, I will be true and genuine to every word I speak...hence my blog title.  Throughout my life, I lived many facades and portrayed many people other than myself.  It was through hurts, ups, downs, and hard realizations that being authentic, first to myself, was the ONLY way I could began to pave a new road to recovery. 

I allowed myself to become vulnerable to the healing presence of my Father, Jesus Christ, and allowed Him to penetrate His revealing light on EVERY aspect of my life.  Though I still struggle in many areas, and am a far cry from perfect, I feel that this appointed time has presented itself so God can be glorified and magnified. 

Now, I will say this.  Not every post will be filled with scriptures.  But I will also make mention that my faith is the catalyst to this blog.  It is the conduit to my calling and I will not back down nor be afraid of confessing, professing and plain ole talking about my Heavenly Father.  It is to Him that I owe ALL the glory and praise. 

This blog is not intended to criticize, judge, or belittle anyone.  However, I will say the truth is the truth.  I will speak on practical, personal, insightful issues.  I welcome dialogue and I implore you to please share anything you may find interesting. 

A few of things I will NOT tolerate on my blog is abusive, negative, derogatory language.  I want the atmosphere to be conducive to healing, encouragement, inspiration, motivation, and all things positive.  I hope we can all grow together in this journey. 

A difficult, but true lesson I've learned from a dear mentor of mine is to learn to love the process.  When we stop fighting and allow God to do the work, we can maneuver easier through the trials of life.

I hope you are all blessed...and make the most of every opportunity and make it count!

Lucrecia...