Without Sight...

You know, for so long I acted and lived in pretense...projecting to people that I had it all together but really I didn't. I was quick to put on a smile (well still do cause that's my nature) when I really wanted to scream and ball my eyes out. But I've come to a place, though still  uncomfortable at times, where I've learned to accept that it's okay not to always be okay. No I'm not going to look like my world is falling apart...but I can be truthful in my feelings. Truthful in where I am in the moment. This is one of those times.

I'm sitting at the park overlooking a river. This time of day seems to really showcase nature's beauty. The water casually glides by while its reflection shimmers off of the leaves on the border. Birds hide out up in the trees chirping melodic tunes to each other. In my deep, troubled contemplation, I can't help but feel the peace of God. I know, weird right? I mean especially with everything going on in my life. Everything contrary to peace. But I feel it.

Though I feel it, I can't help but to entertain a little bit the questions flowing through my mind...kinda like this river flowing in front of me. "What are You trying to tell me, God?" "Teach me?" "Show me?" As I continue to sit, His random words come to my mind..."my grace is sufficient for you"(2 Corinthians 12:9) "You will keep in perfect peace those whose mind is steadfast on You"(Isaiah 26:3)...but I want to be mad. I want to be fed up. I want to be over this already. Then a truth hits me...this all serves a purpose.

Because I believe I was created for more than just to take up space, I believe that this uncomfortable moment I'm in is to serve a purpose. "And we know that all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

No I'm not making my situation super spiritual, but I am addressing a reality. And that reality is no one is exempt from life. As long as we live, life will happen. It will serve up pleasures, disasters and heartaches. And in the midst of it all...we have a choice. Whether to let life sucker punch us, knock us down and keep us down, or to know that this is something God has made beautiful in its timing and that He won't allow this suffering to go to waste.

So in all my crazy thinking, I'm going to choose the latter. Because I've been through too much in my life already to not believe that God isn't for me. He's proved Himself time and time again who He is...even when He didn't have to do that. So I'm going to continue to push forward and through...allowing my faith be the guide and not my eyes...in this will I be confident...

#WalkByFaithNotBySight #PushForward #Authenticallyspoken #AuthenticallyMe #ThisIsMeNow